Friday, July 29, 2011

TMI about my cleanse. Sorry. Sort of. Not really.

Today is Day 2 of the 10 day juice fast/cleanse. All told we are two weeks into this gig and so far it's not bad at all.  The food elimination was fine, well until we had to give up dairy which means no cheese. I love cheese like I love few other substances in this world. It doesn't matter if it's Velveeta or fine brie, I want to snuggle up to it and make it mine for life. My indulgent relationship with cheese is one of the reasons I find myself currently mourning its absence.  The fast is fairly good for the most part, my energies aren't super-high but then I'm not a real go-getter under regular circumstance so an extra dose of slothdom isn't shocking.

A few things I've observed with the fast:

  • Beets aren't lovely. No. Almost any way you serve them up, raw being my case, they taste like dirt. They also make your pee and solids purple which when you're an edge past 40 can make bathroom time slightly unnerving.
  • Radishes are beets' sassy sisters. When juiced they have a slight kick to them, like a Catholic school girl gone naughty under the high school bleachers. I like radishes and will continue to host them in my juice.
  • Detox isn't so pretty. This morning I woke up with white goo covering my tongue. Smelly white goo. Of course I quickly brushed my teeth but now I'm not sure I can ever use that toothbrush again. I'm seriously grossed out.
  • I get seriously bitchy when I run out of food. This is nothing new, but when I've been downing liquid carrots and cucumbers all day and it's 4:30 and Devon wants a snack and Cass is wanting something -likely everything in her case- please leave me the fuck alone until I can inhale more juice.
Good things about the fast:
  • My underwear is totally fitting again! Oh yeah, baby! No more upper thigh fat poking out of the bottom of my panties, thank you very much.
  • I'm so exhausted at the end of the day that I'm actually sleeping well. Yes, I wake up in the same position in which I fell asleep, but sleep is sleep and not something I can always achieve.
  • My skin is supple and soft and looks 38 rather than 49. At least that's my opinion.
  • Did I mention my diminishing  size? Every morning the number on the scale is less than the night before.
  • My worms are eating like kings in their worm bin!
Bad things:
  • The above mentioned tongue issue. I still have the willies from that.
  • Beets. Don't know if I can make that work.
  • Variety. I can see how I might hate carrots after this.
  • Turns out Cassidy also loves fresh juice multiple times per day. This just doubled my expense on this project.
  • What if I lose all this weight and then am petrified to ever put solid food in my mouth again? How will I cozy up to cheese then?


  1. Matt mentioned to me that you guys were doing a juice fast. I heard, "Jesus fast," and I tried to be polite until he explained that it was 'juice.' Frankly, he was happy I hadn't heard "Jews fast." I was too. But I admit that I was relieved when it was juice, because I was also thinking, "What the fuck is going on out there? Jesus fast?"

    On another note, all this talk about shrinking body and young, supple skin is making me want to go on a juice fast. Can't I just use fruit though? Why vegetables? Are you making your own V-8?

  2. Funny enough another friend of mine thought I said Jews and not juice. Nay to the only furit thing. Gotta have the veggies. It also does not include tomatoes or citrus becuase the body is already so acidic from sugars and processed fuit. So the emphasis is on alkalinic veggies like kale, chard, beets. Yummy stuff. Though truthfully once you add in some apples and carrots it's really not bad. You get used to it. I've lost 6.5 pounds in two weeks.

  3. Awesome. Living PROUDLY through you after reading this post. And enjoying that no matter what we do for ourselves, our children ALWAYS manage to make it more expensive. Here's to quality time at the juicer. <3