Bring on the New Year!

Some new years I make, and break, resolutions. Other years I think about making resolutions, but knowing I will fall off the wagon of whatever it is I have pledged to stay on, I think better of the idea and go watch a movie while eating extra butter on my popcorn. This year is different though. I believe 2010 was one of discovering that I can accomplish things if I put my mind to it, so what the hell, in 2011 I'll say up front that I'm gonna write down some goals and stick to them.

The last 6 weeks have been out of control crazy. Right before Thanksgiving I got the call that my ex-husband had a stroke, yep 39 and in perfect health with a brain bleed. Who knew? Turns out after 10 days in the hospital he has a rare degenerative vascular disease, the extent to which we still don't know. So since his future is somewhat uncertain and I have (Very willingly) stepped into the role of caretaker I have hopes that my goals for this year can bring some structure to what has been a very free form environment as of late. So here goes:

• BUDGET. Might be time to make one, write it down, be realistic and honest about it (no, I can't take my oil change allowance and switch it over to the wine category).
• ORGANIZATION. I so suck at this. It's not uncommon for all the really valuable things, my cell phone, the one clean pair of panties I own, a fork or a spoon to be found amongst my bed covers. I know I'll end up there at some point during the day so why not keep all the good stuff there? No longer. I've got bins with dividers and the like, and by golly I'm-a gonna use 'em. Also under this category follows chores lists for the kids where if they don't do the work they get no allowance, this cleverly follows back to my first goal. I'm a thinker that way.
• CREATIVITY. One of the things sadly lacking in my life for the past couple of years has been color. When I took up with the Texan, who ended up being a tacky, cheap ass bastard, I stopped painting, gluing, cutting and making pretties. All my extra time was spent on the phone listening to him. So now I'm going to earnestly open an ETSY shop and do it right. I've got the vision for the packaging and photos. Now all I need is some budgeting and organization to pull it all together.
• BEING PRESENT. One of the side effects of being riddled with panic is that I tend to crawl up inside my head and curl up in the furrows of my brain, where everything is warm and dark and the only noise is that of heart beat, rather than be in the here and now. This sucks for the kids and makes me end up feeling guilty. Gotta stop this one. It's a crutch and although I really like that snuggly place of oblivion where no one can touch me, I'm going to brave the world.

That's about it. Those four are sort of broad but they are honest and leave little wiggle room for my usual bullshit of of avoiding reality. Here's to it....