Me: Rough night?
Matt: Bite me.
Me: So hostile.
Matt: Get bent.
Me: Cranky fart
Matt: Donkey-hating bitch knickers
Matt: Furtle furtle furtle furtle.
Me; A side of madness for dinner tonight?
Me: You need to come home.
Matt: Spanston doesn’t think so.
Me: Who the hell is Spanston?
Matt: You wish you knew.
Me: Maybe you should talk it out with Donkey.
Matt: Donkey and I talk all the time. HE says you’re crazy.
Me: Donkey is a vindictive fiuckhead. Plus, he’s a pathological liar. He says the same crap about you.
Matt: Donkey is the wisest of all of us. You sound like you’ve been in Spanston’s furtle again.
Me; Well, there is that. You should try it.
Matt: I highly doubt that. Donkey loves everybody but you.
Me: Don’t be deceived by his cunning ways. That good ole boy bucktooth act is a bunch of crap. He’s a bad egg.
Matt: What the hell are you talking about? It’s a fucking donkey. God, you’re weird.
Matt: Please don’t contact me anymore.
Me: Gonna go play with Donkey?
Matt: Weirdo. Seriously
Me: I have to go parent your children. I’m very busy. And important.
Matt: Be careful not to drown them in the tub. The voices aren’t real. Nutjob.