Insurance companies belong in hell

There are few things/people I can say I truly detest. Spiders? Check. Hangovers? Definitely. Torn nails? Very much so. But right near the top of that list, that actually might really be quite long now when I come to think of it, is insurance companies and the assholes who passionately work for them.

Up until Devon was born I had never dealt much with them. When Dev was born with his heart defect and we entered the hospital I had no idea my life for the next two years or so would be riddled with stacks upon stacks of bills. Who knew that every single person present in the operating room billed separately? And on top of that there were hospital bills, supply bills, radiology bills. It sucked and I remember the overwhelming sense of helplessness I would feel upon attempting to whittle them down to zero balances.

Lately the bills have been again escalating. I’m almost done paying off Loren’s knee surgery from last May. His bills included an anesthesiologist from California and a radiologist from North Carolina. I totally don’t get that because we live in the Colorado mountains.

Right now Cassidy’s bills are piling up because we have been trying to figure out why she continually sheds blood into her urine. Ew. But yes, it is a mystery and it prompts the doctors to have her pee into a cup at every chance possible, sometimes repeatedly into a jug for 24 hours at a time. Gross. After opening a gazillion of bills last night I discovered each every one of those little pee cups runs about $130. The blood screens that go with most every visit are up to $600. Seems like insurance would pay this, yes? No, they’re not really so eager to do so.

Then there are Loren’s wisdom teeth. I totally thought that one would be cut and dry, usually dental bills are. Again, no. Phrases such as “sedation is not reasonably necessary or customarily performed in conjunction with the services submitted”.  Or, this one is nice too, “your dental plan does not provide coverage for this service.” Really? No? Because if you’re going to have teeth out does it really matter how far embedded they are? Just pull the damn things already. Wisdom teeth are gnarly by nature, that’s why we get them removed. Do insurance companies really need to jack us around that extra step just because they can? Or do they do it just to fuck with us?

So I’m just gonna say it, I hate insurance companies. HATE THEM! I hate the bajillions of trees they kill with all their damn bills and reminders and, a personal favorite, the non-bills that are just stating what they might pay. As if they need a tad bit more time to figure out how much they feel like screwing one individual or another. I hate all their code numbers that make you go to the bottom of the statement only to be enraged to discover it’s just another way of them saying, “Fuck you, sucker. Not gonna pay.” And most of all I hate the fact that every month I pay them, thinking they are providing some sort of safety if I should ever need them but knowing deep down that if I do they’re going to be asshats about it. Fuckers. Fuckers. Fuckers.

Okay then. I feel slightly better now. And that there? It was free, thank you very much. I didn't have to see a therapist, do a co-pay and later get nailed in the ass for another unapporved use of funds. Who's the sucker now....